There are 2 activities where I meditate, having conversation with myself, and giving birth to great ideas: taking a bath and riding a motorcycle. One of these thoughts is about marriage.
I think about this when someone I followed on Instagram has just recently married. In previous videos before marriage, I saw his eyes were playful and full of energy. But after marriage, his gaze changed, more serious, joyless, and seemed like under pressure. (I kid you not, I kinda have this special power to sense). While noticing this, my mind wandered around different things: Why do we marry? Why do men and women marry? Do we marry because it makes us happy? Or because it’s a responsibility? Or because it’s expected? or is it because we love each other? How can we make promise to always be together forever when every day we see a different person?
I always think that marriage mostly benefits the women. Red flag. I know, but hear me out. First of all, in traditional sense, especially after having kid(s), they don’t have to work anymore. Basically men have to work harder to be able to pay living cost for two people, and more if kids are present. Before marriage, they only have 1 person to be responsible for. After marriage, they will have 2, 3, and more people to be responsible for. And then, from where I grew up, it’s always women who glorify the idea of marriage, as if it’s the purpose of their life, while men treat marriage as a responsibility.
But then I imagine myself entering women’s mind and suddenly my perspective changes totally. If I were a woman, then marriage is also a scary uncertain thing: Entering a new life with a new set of responsibility as a wife; Making sure the household is organized; Managing family’s finances; Making sure my husband doesn’t spend money irresponsibly; Being pregnant and having kids, need to do it with the right person; Nurturing the kids; If I work, I have to sacrifice my career to take care of kids, and what if my husband is infidel? I have to divorce and what about the career I have built so far?
And the reason why women glorify marriage? It’s because of societal pressure. Especially in Asian countries, women are expected to have kids after marriage. After certain age, it’s getting harder to have kids. That’s why they are eager to get married, because there is a time limit.
And then after considering both perspectives, I’ve come to a conclusion that marriage is harder for women. While men sacrifice their time and energy, women sacrifice their whole body and soul.
Please put in mind that I assume both men and women are both responsible people, not including those irresponsible judol addicted lazy husband and menye-menye rebahan habisin duit wife.
Knowing this, even though marriage is harder for women, but somehow they dreamt for it? Maybe they are built for pain? Maybe their tolerance for pain has been heightened by their monthly cycle, and now they treat pain as a challenge? Idk.
And then after short contemplation, to conclude my thinking, I think marriage is for building a family, to further the family name, in which the kids are at its core. I know I know. What if the family can’t produce a child and don’t want to adopt? To be honest, I don’t have the answer for that. For me, kids are the one thing where the husband and wife can work together to build. Without kids, I can’t imagine something else they build together. Maybe marriage doesn’t have to have something to build together. Maybe just companionship is enough. Or maybe without kids, there is still something to build and I just don’t know it yet.
Sometimes I also think, maybe marriage doesn’t have to be that complicated. If you love each other, you want to be with each other no matter what. Whatever comes after, we solve it together.
Funny thing. Even as I’m writing this. I’m having second thoughts. Just having love for each other will never work. It only happens in a fairy tale. The fact is this: love fades over time. To ensure marriage can last, respect is what’s needed. So that love can keep regrowing from respect.
Goofythinker 