It’s been thousands of years since I last wrote something on this blog. I could have lied to you and said that I was busy. I had been ill. The muse was gone. But reality is, I was just being lazy. But saying I was lazy was not accurate, too. But I felt like something else was in control of my body. It’s not some spiritual being, I’m damn sure it was dopamine. Yes I am a dopamine addict.
Dopamine addiction feels like you are not in control of your body. When you lay in bed, you felt like tomorrow you can do many productive things. But in reality, when you’re about to start doing that thing, something drained away so quickly. Imagine a dementor sapping Harry Potter’s life force, but it went so fast Harry died before he had a chance to cast Expecto Patronum. That where I’m at right now.
I could have been cruel and punished myself. Said that I was too spoiled. I lack effort because all my needs have been fulfilled. Yes it was true. But it was also true that it is so very hard to get out of this … I wanna say hellhole but it wasn’t that bad, maybe a ‘trap hole’ could be fine.
This realization came when I noticed I was sitting at my office. I had done only the urgent things. But for the things that were not urgent, I tend to procrastinate it. But the danger of procrastinating is not the deadline, it is when you should do the things that don’t have a deadline, like building a business.
But right now, after a glass of cold brew lemonade, I could feel the rush of being productive. First of all, by writing this lmao. As if this is the first priority I should be doing currently. Actually, there are a few things that come first, but somehow these hands could feel strongly against doing it. Since it is an admin-like job and I don’t feel like doing them. But this is my current belief: once I have a ‘palugada’ assistant, I will finally flap my wings and soar high above the sky. After a few flaps, I will be above the earth. A few more flaps, I would travel between the planets, just like the vision I often had in my dreams when I fly.
Goofythinker 