Fascinating Life

Right now I’m writing this while drinking a caramel macchiato with extra shot and listening to Amy Winehouse’s Tears Dry on Their Own.

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day, but I’m grown (I’m grown)
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

In the complexity of life, we’re all just a combination of atoms.
Going to work; having quality time with friends; healing from a heartbreak; struggling to pay installments, all of those are what these combinations of atoms do.
And atoms itself were created from energy: remember E = mc2.
To create just 1 gram of matter, we would need 90 trillion Joules of energy, that’s 9 with 13 zeros.
For comparison, in year 2013, humans created around 5,67 x 1020 Joules of energy, if converted to mass, we’re creating 6300 kg of mass.
So basically each of us was created by energy. Although the exact process is unknown.

14 billion years ago, the universe was born.
From pure energy, there created many elements.
These elements then combined, creating stars and planets.
And within these planets, from just elements, things combined in certain way to create life.
And then life replicated with certain very specific conditions, creating more complex organisms.
These more complex organisms then evolve and evolve, then becoming us humans.
In the next million years, who knows whether we’re still here, whether we’ll be evolved into different forms, or maybe something else replaced us entirely. After all, dinosaurs went extinct around 66 million years ago. Just imagine how long ago it was, Egypt civilization started only 5000 years ago. Even if you multiply it by 10.000 times, you’re still not yet at when dinosaurs roamed the earth. And we still now see their remnants, and ancient people called it dragons.
Don’t you find it amazing how from energy, after 10 billion years of universe age, can create us with all our problems?

People you can’t save

Although maybe from this blog, you may see myself as an overthinking person.
But in life, I’m pretty stable. Maybe somewhere in my other posts I once said that my superpower was forgetting. After a few nights sleep, I forget what has hurt me so badly.
So in life, I sometimes think I’m an anchor for broken people.

There was someone in my university years. He was broken, too many traumas.
At times as a friend I thought I wanted to save him.
But eventually after a few tries, nothing’s changed, and I realized something.
You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

And this clip from Bojack Horseman accurately depicts what happened.

Uninstalling Instagram and How It Feels

Terrible? and also amazing?

Terrible that now when I’m bored and have nothing to do, just like people who smoke, I usually open Instagram and let my brain rot while watching all those stories and short videos. And also when there’s some big news, like minister reshuffling, Nepal riot, and Charlie Kirk’s assassination, I feel like the last person who knows about them.

But amazing in terms of not seeing shallow opinions from stupid people. Not overly stressed about anything that is outside of my control, especially when you intentionally avoid politic-related topic, but then all your friends posted on their stories are politic-related. I’m not exactly apathetic, but when I saw those news, my blood boiled because I cared a little too much, and it drained me mentally. And I am a firm believer of keeping yourself safe first, and only then you keep others safe. Like if you want to help a drown person you have to be cautious, too, if they panic they can drown you.

On my journey of reading books

I have always been a science guy.
Science is a part of my life.
Yes, my knowledge about science is not as sophisticated as most people who dwell themselves in the world of science. I sometimes (or if I’m honest: often) don’t understand Veritasium videos. I don’t really care about the calculations, but I am always curious about how things come to be.

So I have this book right here.

I have just read the introduction but it seems promising. Although, I prefer the fun and more down-to-earth language used by Bill Bryson in his book A Short History of Nearly Everything.

Maybe I’ll review it, maybe I won’t. Since this book is more like a food, difference is it’s only to satisfy my curiosity. I don’t know if I’m going to get anything worthy to share with you guys. But if I do, I’ll write about it!

Menye menye

Menye menye adalah salah satu hal yang paling gw gak suka di dunia.

Contohnya misalnya lagi main game PUBG, ada cewek gak dapet senjata yang dia mau, kemudian dia kayak, “Iiiih, aku kan mau senjata itu~~,” atau misalnya ceweknya gak dapet kill bot, “Iiiiih, kok botnya diambil sih??” trus pake nada yang sok imut. Dikira imut apa. Pick me banget. Please be normal kayak manusia sehat bukan manusia sakit jiwa. Gw senangnya kalo main sama cewek yang jago dan pinter, dan bisa support dan backup kalau ada musuh. Rasanya kayak temen main setara dan benar-benar sekalian have fun.

Atau kalau misalnya bukan di dunia game, di dunia nyata, kadang-kadang ada cewek yang serba gak punya apa-apa, tapi maunya banyak. Udah hidup keluarganya dibantu bayarin, masih menye menye minta jalan-jalan ke Paris, konteksnya cowoknya bukan yang kaya banget ya, pas-pasan juga. Orang gila beban hidup. Satu-satunya nilai tambah dia cuma fisik, yang nanti pas tua juga bakal jadi jelek.

Gw percaya setiap orang harus punya dignity dan strive to be strong.

Kalau menye-menye itu gw melihatnya sebagai pura-pura atau bahkan sengaja menjadi lemah supaya gak perlu melakukan apa-apa. Atau sok lemah buat memanfaatkan orang. Kayak, kemana harga dirinya?

RIP Charlie Kirk

Just this morning, I was very shocked by the death of a famous right-wing political influencer, Charlie Kirk. When I went to a bakmi place with my sister, she showed me the video where he was shot dead. I was at loss for words. Can’t believe it really happened, I asked her, “is this a real video?” “Yes it is!”

If there was a dream and in that dream this is what could have happened. But this is the real life. Like… how? When someone very famous died, gruesomely, it was a very shocking scene indeed.

Then after that I sat there with blank expression. Contemplating many things. Like, I knew this guy since he was just on the way of becoming famous. Not knowing personally, but like I was exposed to his content since the beginning of his career. I don’t like him. I don’t like his ideas. I don’t like his personality and I don’t like the way he debates other people. Nothing in his existence can make me say I like him.

The shock, it felt like red wedding all over again, but now it was in real life. The video shown to me was horrid. Fire was shot, exactly on his neck. Blood gushing out so heavily. Its color is not exactly red. It’s dark red, more like.. black. I wanted to see the video again. I wanted to know what he was like after getting shot. Did he show he was in agony? But why do I care about such things? I guess my mind still wanted to make sense of what happened.

Then I watched the video again, this time I noticed more carefully.
After he was shot in the neck, I think the blood loss came so quickly so that in less than one second, he lost consciousness. Oh, at least he did not die painfully.

A few hours later, I wanted to know what his stance on politics was. Well I already knew he was a conservative. And conservatives stances were: loosening gun controls, ban abortion, christianity, anti-immigrant, anti-LGBTQ, white people supremacy. Well I knew some of them were not really accurate, but I don’t want to debate about it. I knew he was a conservative, but sometimes a person can be conservative but adopt some of leftist stances. But this guy, a total conservative, to the point sometimes I didn’t believe he actually believed in his said values.

Apparently there’s a debate on the internet, just no more than 3 hours after his death. People already talked, discussed, whether he deserved it or not. Most people’s stance was: he did not deserve it even though they disagree with his PoV, because all he did was talk, no one deserves to die just for talking.

For me, the debate whether he deserved it or not was not important, at all. He already died. Whether people agree he deserved it or not would not change anything. Although, there is an irony. He promoted easier access to gun ownership. He once said that China would never overtake Hong Kong if Hong Kong allowed gun ownership. Crazy, stupid, and planting dangerous idea to people’s minds. His words were poisonous, divisive, and dangerous. China owned Hong Kong, it’s a fact. And it’s not up to Hong Kong citizens whether Hong Kong is a part of China or not. If sovereignty was based on people’s opinion, then many places would want to separate and become an independent country. All you need to do to break a country was brainwash them through media. If the government then control media, you invade them in the name of “democracy.” Sounds familiar?

And then there was this one thing that buzzed me. Did you remember the CEO who was killed Luigi Mangione? For that case many people supported Luigi’s action, different from this one. So they say, “he did not deserve to die for just talking.” But then they also say about the CEO, “he deserves to die for taking profit from people’s lives.” Funny how people’s views change based on their emotions. Or maybe they don’t realize that talking could be as harmful as any gun. It’s talking that lead a terrorist country to invade Gaza. It’s talking that makes someone do suicide bombing. And it’s talking by a certain fascist leader that lead to genocide of millions.

How to Read Anyone: comment II

Baca ini terlebih dahulu.

Sudah dibaca? Bagi saya, ada yang cacat dalam pengambilan kesimpulan dari hal ini.
Hal ini masih berhubungan dengan post saya sebelumnya tentang buku ini, How to Read Anyone: Comment I.

Hal yang cacat adalah baseline John. Apabila John sehari-hari adalah orang yang pesimis, maka apabila komentar dia bernada pesimis, bukan berarti hasil pertemuannya buruk. Sebaliknya apabila John adalah orang yang optimis, apabila ada komentar dia yang bernada positif, bukan berarti hasil pertemuannya baik. Namun apabila John orangnya optimis, dan dia berkomentar yang bernada negatif, bisa jadi hal tersebut menggambarkan hasil rapat John.

Terkadang ada hal-hal lain juga yang bisa jadi luput dari penilaian kita. Misalkan John baru kehilangan kekasihnya, bisa jadi hal tersebut mempengaruhi emosi dia seharian penuh, sehingga suasana hati dia cenderung negatif.

Jadi seperti yang sudah saya sampaikan sebelumnya di comment I. Reading a person is fine, but always have doubt.

Oh dan saya juga ingin mengajarkan orang-orang yang kebetulan membaca tulisan ini.

“Tidak menjawab adalah sebuah jawaban.”
dan
“Delay dalam menjawab adalah sebuah jawaban juga.”

Saya pertama kali mempelajari hal ini ketika saya membaca manga legend Death Note. Ada satu halaman di mana Near bertanya sesuatu kepada Light Yagami (Kira) berikut:

My Confidence

I put my confidence in external factors.
Just an example, if I had a lot of customers, I will feel confident to meet and interact with people.
But if I didn’t feel like I achieve something, then meeting people just feels so hard.
What will I tell them what is going on?
Nothing?
I achieved nothing.
While everyone else does something.

It’s true though, life is not about being rich.
It’s also about fulfilling your role in this world.
No wonder Prabowo having been rich his whole life, chose to be a military man,
and tried so hard to be president.
I guess the reason is that
the thirst, the hunger, the dissatisfaction with our own self,
push us to do something great,
so that when we sleep at night,
we can tell ourselves,
we did it.

Overcompensation

Agen properti rumah mewah memiliki janji temu dengan seorang klien di hari Minggu pagi. Ketika bertemu dengannya, klien tersebut memakai setelan jas dan dasi, dan sedang bertelepon dengan orang “penting.” Kemungkinan klien tersebut tidak punya uang.

Hal tersebut disebut sebagai overcompensation. Orang yang percaya diri, akan tampil biasa saja, apalagi di sebuah hari minggu pagi.

Untuk topik ini, saya pernah mendengar 2 argumen dari dua kubu,
1. Dress to impress
2. Berpakaianlah senyamannya, asalkan sopan

Untuk bercerita tentang hal ini, saya akan membawa cerita yang disampaikan ayahku kepadaku.

Ayahku clearly adalah tipe yang ke-2. Tapi alasan dibaliknya tidaklah filosofis. Melainkan memang sudah habit dia untuk berpakaian senyamannya. Namun terkadang sudah manusiawi dari sisi kita untuk menganggap kebiasaan kita sebagai sesuatu yang positif, dengan memberi pembenaran bahwa kebiasaan kita adalah hal yang baik. Oleh karenanya, ayah saya menganggap berpakaian biasa saja adalah hal yang benar.

Di sisi lain, ada teman dari ayah saya. Suatu saat ketika sedang nongkrong malam-malam di warung kopi bersama ayah saya. Ada topik yang muncul mengenai cara berpakaian. Teman ayah saya ini bergerak di sebuah lini bisnis percetakan kaos. Dia berusaha mengajari orang-orang yang ada di sana tentang pentingnya berpakaian yang proper dan terlihat luxury, menggunakan setelan jas mahal dan menggunakan jam tangan Rolex, agar klien lebih yakin dengan perusahaan. Ayah saya tidak membantah apapun, akan tetapi dia bercerita ke kami anak-anaknya bahwa hal tersebut tidaklah penting. Yang penting adalah memberikan pelayanan terbaik dan nantinya biarkan hasil kerja kita dan word of mouth yang membuat mereka yakin akan kualitas pekerjaan kita.

Saya bisa melihat dan mengerti kedua PoV dari teman ayah saya dan ayah saya.

Kalau komentar dari saya, dress to impress itu penting apabila klien yang akan kita yakinkan menilai orang lain dari penampilan. Setiap orang pasti menilai orang dari penampilan, sangat manusiawi, hal itu bahkan terjadi di level subconscious. Tapi orang yang bijak akan tetap menilai orang dari penampilan di level alam bawah sadar, tapi tidak akan membiarkan penilaian tersebut mempengaruhi penilaian tentang urusan bisnis terhadap orang lain. After all, pakaian hanyalah pakaian. Dalam bisnis, yang penting adalah kelancaran urusan bisnis dan hasil akhirnya.

Ayah saya memiliki beberapa teman dengan kekayaan yang super kaya, hampir hitungan T. Ketika bertemu dengan mereka, penampilannya juga biasa saja. Kaos polo lengan pendek dan celana panjang.

Orang yang benar-benar kaya adalah orang yang bisa memiliki kebebasan berpakaian tanpa mengkhawatirkan apa yang orang lain tentang dirinya.

What good is wealth if it made us imprisoned by people’s judgement. Isn’t wealth supposed to enable more choice?

How to Read Anyone: comment I

Buku ini berisi banyak tips tentang cara untuk membaca orang, dan pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang bisa kita tanyakan untuk mengetahui isi hati seseorang.

Ada bagian dari buku ini yang berisi tentang tanda-tanda fisik kalau orang sedang gugup, menyembunyikan sesuatu, berbohong, dan lain-lain. Akan tetapi, menurut saya tidak bijak apabila orang membaca buku ini dan langsung menilai orang berdasarkan tanda-tanda fisik saja.

Hal ini dikarenakan setiap orang punya kebiasaan. Terkadang ada orang yang memang sering memegang hidungnya karena kebiasaan, bukan berarti dia sedang berbohong. Saya pernah membaca buku lain yang kurang lebih topiknya tentang membaca orang juga. Di sana dijelaskan kalau setiap orang ada baseline, yaitu kebiasaan biasanya orang tersebut. Ketika menilai seseorang, selalu bandingkan dengan baseline-nya.

Misalkan orang yang sehari-hari tampak gugup, tangan sering bergetar, kaki sering bergoyang, apabila dia melakukan gerakan-gerakan yang dianggap menunjukkan kegugupan, bukan berarti dia sedang gugup. Sehingga kalau misalkan kita bertemu dengan orang yang baru dikenal, tidak bijak bila kita langsung menilai dia A, B, dan C. Sebaiknya kita harus tahu baseline dari orang tersebut terlebih dahulu.

Lalu masukan dari saya sendiri terhadap buku seperti ini, membaca orang bukan ilmu pasti. Hanya karena kita membaca seseorang sedang menyembunyikan sesuatu, bukan berarti sikap kita harus berubah seolah-olah dia sedang berbohong. Untuk saya sendiri, tetap saya akan memberlakukan prinsip innocent until proven guilty. Perlakuan saya terhadap orang-orang tetap sama saja, kecuali untuk urusan bisnis. Kesopanan, attitude, dan service tetap sama, akan tetapi akan ada step-step precaution yang lebih untuk orang-orang yang memiliki niat buruk. Dan juga ada kalanya kita bergantung pada gut feeling, atau insting, karena ada kalanya orang yang sudah terbiasa berbohong sampai tidak terlihat seperti berbohong. Bahkan orang yang membaca buku ini bisa jadi karena sudah tahu ciri-ciri orang yang sedang menyembunyikan sesuatu, bisa lebih ahli dalam berbohong, termasuk saya.

Bagi saya sendiri, untuk berbohong yang lebih meyakinkan, kita sendiri harus yakin kalau kebohongan adalah kebenaran, seperti hipnotis diri. Dengan yakin kalau kebohongan adalah kebenaran, segala tindakan bahkan sampai microexpression juga akan menyesuaikan, seolah-seolah kebohongan adalah kebenaran.